Together Forever: Buttercup's birth story

Well, i guess it's time to write baby #3's birthstory. I've had to give myself time to recover mentally from the experience. Although her birth was special, it didn't go as I had planned and it has taken a lot of time to help let my emotions heal. so Sorry for the delay in post.

I was super excited to have a home birth with Buttercup. I had everything prepared. All the home birth supplies in a tote next to the bed and rags and sheets sanitized for the birth. I even had the birthtub set up and ready to be filled for when i went into labor.

At 36.5 weeks pregnant, i started having contractions every time i laid down. after a couple of nights of contractions and not being able to sleep, i got the courage and called my midwife and chatted with her for a bit and we decided i needed to be on bedrest. Let me just say, I HATE BED REST!! I have a hard time sitting still so being on bedrest was driving me crazy!

At 38 weeks and finally off of bed rest, I stopped havnig contractions! I was kind of frustrated since Buttercup finally had permission to come and she stops trying to come! go figure, I think i can only make stubborn girls ;)

Sunday night, I had a thought pop into my mind stating that I needed to prep a hospital bag. I laughed at the thought and decided that i miss interpreted the prompting. I figured it must have meant for me to pack an overnight bag for the girls. but of course, i second guessed myself and the prompting and did neither.

At 38 weeks and 4 days, Buttercup decided she would make that day her birthday.

Tuesday morning, we all woke up and had breakfast together (which is impressive since I like to sleep in til about 10am!!). i spent all of eating cereal complaining about how i was on bedrest and now a week later i had stopped having contractions. After finishing my cereal, i stood up to get ready for the day and i felt my water break. I made my usual dash to the bathroom repeating the phrase "oh crap" which is what I've done with each of my girls. For some reason I start panicking when my water breaks. you would think I would get excited! but of course i'm an odd ball.

After trying to decide if my water had broke (which is also apart of the normal routine I have had each time my water has broken) I called the midwife. I told her I was pretty sure it had broke but was confused that i hadn't started having contractions. From my description, my midwife didn't think i had really started labor. Infact, she said I probably just peed my pants which made me feel a bit like an idiot. So she said she would call back in two hours or to call her if there were any changes. Of course right after we hung up the phone, contractions started.

When i realized i was in true labor, I asked Husband to give me a priesthood blessing. During the blessing, once again i had the prompting to fill a hospital bag. and again, I laughed at the thought thinking what could go wrong.

Between contractions, I encouraged husband to fill the birthpool and I got dressed in what i wanted to wear in the pool. After about an hour of having contractions five minutes apart and a minute long, I remembered i was supposed to call the midwife if anything changed. I was to embarrassed to moan on the phone so I made Husband make the call. When midwife heard me moaning in the background, it was her turn to say "oh crap" since she new from the sound I was in true labor and my body was making the changes it needed to to have baby. Since she lives 40 minutes away from us, she jumped in her car and sped to my house.

When midwife arrived she did an exam. During the exam, she discovered meconium in the amniotic fluid. (Meconium is baby poop). When having a baby at home, meconium in the fluid is an automatic transfer to the hospital, espiecially if you live 40 minutes away from the hospital. The midwife wanted us to call in an ambulance when she saw the meconium. Somehow, we persuaded her to let us drive to the hospital.

When midwife told me there was meconium in the fluid, I started to sob. I knew the hospital was where we needed to be, but I hadn't prepared myself for a hospital birth and to have to deal with hospital staff and doctors i didn't know. The thought scared me, and it made me feel as if I had failed my baby and that i had failed in this delivery.

It took a little bit to find someone to come watch the girls. We ended up finding someone and headed out. The midwife was really worried while we packed out bags and got out the door. She wanted us to be at the hopsital asap and Husband and I were moving kind of slow.

When our friend arrived, husband, midwife, and I got into our cars and headed to the hospital. On arrival, midwife didn't' want me to walk anywhere since i was also struggling with high blood pressure. She went into the hospital and found a wheel chair while Husband searched for the vallet people. It was busy that day so it took a while for us to find someone to park the car for us and for midwife to hunt down a wheel chair.

I stood in the hospital entry way moaning while husband and midwife did their things. I sure hope no one remembers seeing me like that . . . kind of embarrassing.

Husband pushed me in the wheel chair up to the top floor of the hospital where we checked in. oh my gosh!! why in the world does the hospital insist on having a woman in labor sign papers!! I honestly have no idea what i signed since i was having contractions pretty close together and not able to focus on much of anything else besides the cramping.

After signing who knows what, they put me in an evaluation room, since it wasn't obvious i was in labor! After taking my weight and blood pressure, they took me a bed that was surrounded by a curtain and monitors so I could change and they could finish their evaluation.

more detail than you probably want in the next half of post. skip to end if you don't want details sorry. Don't know how to only write part of the story

After they closed the curtain, i got out of the wheel chair and a gallon of amniotic fluid flooded out. It was not a pretty site since it was full of meconium. I was so humiliated! I was standing in a puddle, feeling as if i had just peed my pants and the nurse wouldn't give me a towel. She just insisted i keep changing.

After calming down enough to change into their hospital gown, the nurse set me up on the monitors. baby seemed to be doing fine and my blood pressure had lowered considerably after getting to the hospital. The doctor (who was a resident doctor) came in and finished the exam.

I don't do well with exams, and i was glad she understood that and was really gentle, but than she insisted she needed to take a sample to be sure meconium really was in the fluid . . . she had a nurse and my midwife on her back for that suggestion since there was meconium all over the floor where my water broke. She insisted that wasn't good enough and wanted to get an internal sample . . . . well after several minutes of the nurse, midwife and myself "talking" to her in a "nice" way, she finally decided what was all over on the floor would be ok for sampling. Honestly, it was obvious to me, who has no medical school background, that there was meconium all over the floor. ugh, kind of felt she was a dodo.

After spending an hour moaning in the evaluation room which was shared by several other pregnant women, they finally took me to my own room. I felt so awkward each time i had a contraction since all i could do was moan, cry, and repeat the phrase "i can't do this!!" ugh, ! I'm sure i was freaking these other women out!

Before heading to my private room, I had to have a short argument over the wheel chair vs me walking. I ended up wining the argument. When we got to the room, they set me up on a wireless monitor and talked me thorugh a couple of things. After they were done, i stood up and told them I would see them in an hour since i was oging to sit in the shower and moan while i go through transition.

I was in the shower for an hour before the nurses decided they needed to check me. Oh i think i scared the poor nurse. she decided to check dilation and such while i was recovering from a contraction. I think I screamed pretty loud, started to cry and I know I jumped off the birthing ball and I almost slapped her. I told her to leave me alone and to let Husband to continue to move the water where i needed it to go so i could relax. After a couple more minutes of me refusing to be examined, the nurse called the doctor in and told tattled on me. The doctor came into the bathroom and insisted that i had to lay on the bed so she could do an evaluation.

During this internal exam, she found that she still couldn't find my cervix (Which had been an issue during the entire pregnancy). She decided since she couldn't feel it, that it must be time to push. I kept telling her i wasn't ready to push. even my midwife told me it was time and i was getting so annoyed. When a laboring woman says it's not time to push, ITS NOT TIME TO PUSH! after about 30 minutes of them telling me i need to push, the doctor decided to do another exam and this time she discovered that all the pushing she wsa having me do, made my cervix swell, so at this point, the doctor insisted that i shouldn't be pushing because it would cause a lot of damage.

During the time of me laying on the bed "pushing", a crew of people showed up in my room. There were 5 neonatal nurses, two resident doctor, a 3rd year doctor, 2 nurses for me, and the presiding doctor. Way to many people in one room!! When I saw how many people were in the room, my brain refused to let me calm down enough to help the swelling go down.

once the doctors discovered that I wasn't going to be able to push baby out at that moment, half the people in the room left. It was just the neonatal team, my midwife, and my two nurses who were left. Once i saw that the doctors were gone, i got off the bed and stood with husband holding me. As soon as he held me, i squatted down and my body started to push. when the doctors were called back into the room, they insisted I needed to be on the bed. I kept trying to argue telling htem i can't have a baby laying on my back! they didn't listen so my midwife stepped in and suggested a position for me to lay that would help relieve some pressure.

At this point, i had a mix of demands. some were saying push, others were saying no, and my body was saying push, but my brain was telling me no. each time I woudl start to feel like pushing and start pushing, i would have the doctors and nurses telling me to stop. my midwife was also telling me to stop and telling me to breath as if i were blowing out candles. after Buttercups head was crowning, the doctors in the room started to panic.

They thought she was atleast 9lbs so they decided to flip me over from my comfortable labor position. They were worried about her shoulders not making it through, but laying on my back really doesn't help me deal with the pain of contractions. It was also really weird that five of the people in the room were able to pick me up and flip me over. I remember being so frustrated. I was in such a good position to deliver and they go and move me and than wonder why I couldn't push anymore.

Through a lot of tears and frustration, i finally pushed Buttercup out. She ended up getting wrapped around the embilical cord. it was so tight around her neck, the doctors had a really tough time getting the cord unwrapped from her neck. Once she was out and untangled, the residant doctor wanted to get her to cry. i remember hearing the presiding doctor repeating over and over "stop stimulating her lungs and get her over to the table, she has meconium in her lungs."

At that point, the neonatal team stepped in and took my baby. I saw buttercup only for a second before she was surrounded by nurses. My first thought when i saw her was a laugh since she could be Sweet Pea's twin!! it was crazy to look at my baby and see her big sister!! Second thought was "holy cow! How did i deliver her! She's so big!!"

I wasn't able to hold Buttercup for 30 minutes. I missed her being weighed and measured. I missed being the first one to hold her, or to be apart of those 30 minutes. I know it's probably a silly feeling, but I have a "failed mom" feeling each time i think about those 30 minutes. I don't even have pictures of it because i was being such a huge baby while being sewn up, Husband couldn't even get overthere to be withe her. I have guilt about her being alone for those thirty minutes and me being selfish and hogging her dad during that time.

It took a long time to get me to calm down enough for the doctor to put in the stitches. I kept jumping and crying and really, all I wanted to do was see and be with my baby and husband. Watching someone stitch you up really is a terrible view, even if you are numbed. The doctor was so annoyed with me jumping, she refused to let the nurses bring me buttercup. She wanted Buttercup to stay with the neonatal team until she finished. There was a bit of an argument and finally the nurse decided to ignore the doctor and brought me Buttercup. I wasn't able to hold her since the doctor told me i couldn't, but i was able to touch her and look at her.

The nurses asked me what we were goign to name her and I told them I was hoping to name her Hannah. So for the first little bit, we were calling her Hannah. That was up until i heard her singing. At that point, I mentioned we might have to name her Melody with all that singing! The name stuck. For at least three hours after her birth, Sweet Buttercup made beautiful sweet humming noises.

After a while of admiring my work, I finally remembered i didn't know what tiem she was born or her measurements. She was 20 inches and 8 lbs. So my smallest baby!! I was anticipating atleast 8.5 lbs, so i was way wrong!! And i was surprised by her lack of hair!

once i was given permission to clean up, my nurse came to my side to help me to the bathroom. She told me to walk with my eyes closed. When i stood, i felt i had no spine at all!! It felt as if every rib bone was out of place and walking was almost impossible! When i got to the bathroom, I asked the nurse why she wanted me to close my eyes. Her response "it looked like a murder scene. You must have a red gene in you, only reds bleed that much."

I insisted on showering right after the birth which for some reason shocked the nurses. When i got out of the shower, the nurse insisted that everyone needed to give me a round of applause since not many woman shower right after deliver.

After everyone left, husband Buttercup and I were left in that room for 7 hours while they tried to make space for us on the recovery floor. It was so great to sit and admire Buttercup, but hard since nurses kept insisting on checking on us! During that 7 hours, every time we got Buttercup to sleep, a nursing would come in and take her vitals. Poor girl couldn't get any sleep.

When the time came to take us to the recovery room, I was very unprepared for the set up. At one point in this room's career, it had been a room which held two beds. Although it didn't hold two beds now, it still made me feel as if I didn't have privacy. the door to the room didn't help this feeling either. The door had a massive window on it so anyone outside the room could see in. And even though the bed was surrounded by a curtain, it still made me feel vulnerable. Also, there was no soft chairs to sit in or a bed/sofa thing for Husband. Walking in that room, I felt alone. It was one of the worst feelings to have. And that feeling sent me into a depressive cycle that I'm still struggling with and not willing to post about, so instead, look at my beautiful newborn!

Why does Husband always look so good holding his little girls when they are first born?!? He makes my heart melt

Poor swollen me. I sure look hot after having a baby don't I!

I look much better after doing my hair. proud parents of three little girls!

enjoying bonding time with my little baby

Buttercup and her baby blanket

Thank goodness we were let out of the hospital 24 hours after Buttercup's birth. It was so nice to get home. To be in my bed. to be with my husband, to be with my girls. I love my family. I love being with them and it felt so good to be home!

headed home

Buttercup's birth was not how I excepted it to turn out. I had planned a quiet home birth surrounded by my husband and girls. Instead her birth was crazy. We were where we needed to be. We might have lost Buttercup if we had stayed home. So glad we had a midwife who knew when it was time to head to the hospital. Although it wasn't the birth I was expecting, I'm sitll in love with my cute baby. She is beautiful, smart, and strong. I love when she gives me her half smiles and when she laughs. She's laughed twice now and it's the cutest ever! I love this little one. and her sisters love her too, although, I worry about her safety when the sisters are around haha. How do siblings survive!