Seizures

When you have to watch helplessly as your little child is going through something traumatic,  it places a fear inside of you so great that it creates a wound. Everyone heals from this wound differently. for me, i need to share what i experienced. The purpose of me writing this post is not to say "woas me" but it's allowing me to let go of the fear i have, and to heal from what I experienced through the Febrile Seizure Bug had a few days ago.
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We are almost 1/4 the way done with the year and i'm already for a new one to start. In January, I was talking to a lady at the laundry mat who told me "it's an even year, it's going to be a good year." I laughed when seh told me that since it had already been a somewhat tough year. The next day, Bug had her second febrile seizure and we ended up spending the afternoon in the hospital since she didn't get her energy back for several hours. At that point, i thought this lady I met doesn't know a thing about even years!

Last week, the little boy i babysit ended up getting hand foot and mouth (HFM). HFM causes blisters to appear on the limbs of your body and in your mouth. It ended up that Sweet Potato caught this nasty virus and spent a night with a high fever. The next day i took her to the doctor and he confirmed it to be HFM. While at that appointment, i made a comment along the lines of "i sure hope Bug doesn't get this and have another seizure." the doctor, who's always very optimistic, stated "HFM is not linked to febrile seizures." In the back of my mind i thought, "you don't know my luck this year."

Saturday, Bug woke up with a sore throat, but it didn't stop her from being spunky. I gave her some tylonal just in case she decided to develop a fever. A few hours of having fun playing as a family , Bug was off to take a nap. 45 minutes into her nap, i could hear the sheets on her bed moving. I told my husband that we would be seeing our little girl walk around the corner claiming to be done with her nap. A few minutes went by, i could still hear her sheets moving around but she wasn't getting off her bed. I decided i would go in and check on her.

I was terrified to find Bug's joints locked in place and her body shaking. I called for husband as i ran to her side. I sat with her for the next minute or two and watched her body convulse. her eyes were stuck staring at her bed and she was starting to drool. the last thirty seconds of this seizure, i watch helplessly as her lips and cheeks turn from red to blue.

People have assured me that people don't die from seizures, they die from the cause, but while watching my baby go through this,  I truly believed i was going to lose her from this seizure and there was nothing i could do about it.

when the seizure stopped, Husband and I sat on her bed and comforted her as she was trying to make sense as to what had happened. At this point, i was still running on adrenaline and wasn't sure what to do. I knew if i slowed down, i would start to cry. I told my husband i would take Bug to the instacare and just make sure everything is alright.

when we got to the doctors office, all bug wanted to do was sleep. When i told her she couldn't, she spent the next little bit complaining about the different parts of her body that were hurting her because of the seizure. We spent the next hour running tests to make sure she didn't have something that could be worse than HFM causing the fever.The tests all came back negative so we were sent home.

That night, I was so scared that Bug would have another seizure, i ended up sleeping in her bed with her so if she did have another one, i could hopefully wake up to keep her safe. It's taken two days for me to feel comfortable letting Bug sleep by herself.

 This year has been crazy. Already she's had two seizures and it seems every time we turn around, we have to solve some problem, but I guess thats life. There have been lots of good in the year, its just we've also had some scary things happen.